Journal excerpt (7.1.09)
Stonehenge, mysterious and beautiful, looms here in the English countryside. I feel like time has given these stones more reverence than research or discovery ever could. More a part of nature I feel than of this our human or man-made realm. The birds have the privilege to touch the stones while we cannot; the grass growing and clouds passing in their gentle, peaceful purposes while we perhaps only see and try to hold on to that eternal feeling that nature has seemingly perfected. And, in a sense, I feel like this message is of this massive structure most prevalent: simply by existing and by previously allowing our human hands to arrange its stone faces, it still whispers of the eternity of nature no matter its human or elemental interactions. It is so beautiful; inspiring in the way it casts its shade and pulls a permanence into the green and gray of its countenance. But perhaps the permanence and grace were always there--manifest in the grace of a living earth. Perhaps we have only just managed to glimpse it by harnessing our temporary stay to connect ourselves to a potential we long to share. Hence, we have not constructed, but simply organized an already-present grace and beauty. And beautiful it is.
I like it better as it is; pictures of a completed Stonehenge are somehow less impressive to me. I think its more beautiful now that nature has pulled it back into herself; a completed structure would speak more of a human purpose while an old, incomplete structure reminds the viewer that, as previously mentioned, the human interaction was simply that of organization.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Friday, August 21, 2009
8.21.09
Journal Excerpt (6.6.09):
Fast and testimony meeting today. It was a very nice meeting and I felt very touched by the Spirit. I was pondering about friendship and how the Spirit helps us to be equals. Or, perhaps not to be equals so much as to help us feel the equality and brotherhood with which we have already been endowed. It is a beautiful feeling: one of power and potential and also of humility and true happiness.
This thought has been floating in and out of my mind for some time and especially in the last week. I have asked myself, "why do I dislike so much noticing differences and making generalizations about foreign cultures?" I think it is a combination of a couple of things, parts of which are described above.
Firstly, I have yet to find a difference between cultures which stems from anything but societal trends with their roots in the basic human characteristics that we all share. In other words, I believe all human traditions, actions, and interactions, stem from simple human characteristics and emotions; to see differences as isolated events or characteristics and unrelated to oneself is to deny the basic human nature that we collectively share. These characteristics extend beyond the material world of possession and even beyond the surface world of personality. It goes much deeper and this leads back into my original point.
We are all children of the same Father. As such, we are all of equal worth and of equal status. And, even beyond being equal, we are all brothers and sister. That is, we are all connected in a wonderful and infinite relationship.
To me, I think that is what I love most about international travel and living among people of a different culture: learning, making friends, playing football, feeling loved, and loving my brothers and sisters. Surface differences exist, but deep similarities are the seeds of true friendship.
Fast and testimony meeting today. It was a very nice meeting and I felt very touched by the Spirit. I was pondering about friendship and how the Spirit helps us to be equals. Or, perhaps not to be equals so much as to help us feel the equality and brotherhood with which we have already been endowed. It is a beautiful feeling: one of power and potential and also of humility and true happiness.
This thought has been floating in and out of my mind for some time and especially in the last week. I have asked myself, "why do I dislike so much noticing differences and making generalizations about foreign cultures?" I think it is a combination of a couple of things, parts of which are described above.
Firstly, I have yet to find a difference between cultures which stems from anything but societal trends with their roots in the basic human characteristics that we all share. In other words, I believe all human traditions, actions, and interactions, stem from simple human characteristics and emotions; to see differences as isolated events or characteristics and unrelated to oneself is to deny the basic human nature that we collectively share. These characteristics extend beyond the material world of possession and even beyond the surface world of personality. It goes much deeper and this leads back into my original point.
We are all children of the same Father. As such, we are all of equal worth and of equal status. And, even beyond being equal, we are all brothers and sister. That is, we are all connected in a wonderful and infinite relationship.
To me, I think that is what I love most about international travel and living among people of a different culture: learning, making friends, playing football, feeling loved, and loving my brothers and sisters. Surface differences exist, but deep similarities are the seeds of true friendship.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
3.31.09
I've been thinking lately about love and relationships. I have some dear friends who have dedicated themselves passionately to picking up women. They read the books, watch the shows and tutorials, and practice constantly and are becoming very good at picking up women and taking advantage of social situations.
Last semester, I started down that same path; a path my friends and I had mastered in high school and I had been relatively out of touch with during my college experience. However, based on things I learned last semester and different experiences I had, I was hesitant to continue with the literature and practice this semester. It would seem that, down that path, there is a definite fork in the road and I would like to think that I, I took the road less travelled by. But I'm not entirely sure what my base motivations are, hence my ponderings...
To be honest, the art of picking up women is basically a game of control. It is rejecting the "nice guy" attitude which is associated with guys who are too nice and get walked on by women in all their relationships. Guys that often lack confidence and the ability to generate mutual respect; in their lives, it is often a queen-servant relationship. I agree with some aspects of this, but not necessarily in the same way. You see, the literature goes beyond to point of mutual respect and puts the man on the pedestal. It preaches that men should be the dominant actors in interactions and relationships and that it should be more of an alpha male-submissive female relationship. In essence, it puts control into the hands and whims of the man.
As a man, elements of control are very attractive. And I don't think that all aspects of control necessarily come from bad intentions, but I am learning that control is usually the offspring of fear and that, even if masked as a good intention, the drive to control situations, relationships, and opportunities is a very dangerous associate. This is the "fork" that I perceive between myself and my dear friends: I agree with the ideas of confidence, low-pressure interactions, and the development of personal potential, but I disagree with the ideas of control, dominance, and inequality. To me, a relationship should be an institution of equality. Not equality is the sense that the man and woman share everything exactly half-and-half, but equality in the sense that both people are equally empowered to contribute and develop their unique attributes, talents, and perspectives and are both equally flexible and adaptable to problem solving, planning, communication, and understanding. In other words, both parties are equally able and empowered to be their best selves, to continue in the development of their own selves, and to emulate and acquire the desirable attributes of their partner. In this way, the couple works as a single institution which goes beyond the abilities and potential of the two separate individuals.
But that is one man's dream. I don't even really know for myself if such an institution is really possible and this leads to another branch of my ponderings. What part of my personality is it that longs for such a relationship? Because, if it is the part of me that fears the future and fears uncertainly and difficulty in a relationship, than my dream is no better than the literature about picking up women and seeking to dominate the relationship: in this case my dream would only be another complex attempt at securing control. It might also be a dream based on my own personal fears of my own shortcomings and lack of confidence: perhaps I seek an "equal" relationship as a mask for a deeper desire to hide my insecurities in the desire for the responsibilities of another.
Time will tell, that is both the beauty and terror of relationships: they must be experienced. And I think this is my deepest motivation for leaving the high school tactics and pick-up-artist literature behind: I am trying to realize through my convictions and actions that opportunities and experiences will come in their due time. I cannot anticipate or expect them, that would only fuel my desires for control. Instead I can prepare by developing myself and by fostering edifying friendships and social interactions when opportunities present themselves. I can let go of my own social desires and take on a positive attitude as a leader, as an example, and as a friend. And, most of all, I can trust; I can trust that opportunities and experiences will be granted in their due time; I can trust that these experiences are meant to be learnt from and not to be given control of; and I can trust that there are divine interests in my social interactions that will lead to futures far beyond my own dreams. I have felt great love and friendship this semester as I have tried to take that different path and I have felt more edified, more empowered to use my unique talents and attributes, and more able to develop those attributes and become a better person.
The part of me that wants control and feels like "being a man" somehow has to involve dominance and control is still jealous sometimes of my dear friends. That part of me admires how they can bend situations to their advantage and quickly get what they want without losing face. I think there is a part of all of us that craves that kind of control; that wants immediate satisfaction and idolizes those who can get it. But I do not think there is a true sense of satisfaction and happiness down that path, as fun as it may be. I believe I am beginning to embrace deeper motivations and this has led to a social life not dominated, at least in theory, by expectations, pressures, or control. However, I have only found satisfaction down this path insomuch as those deeper motivations have been guided by divine feelings and promptings: as soon as they become tools to stay my fear of the unknown, I believe they have lost their empowerment and fall back onto the path that seeks control. A delicate balance to sure, but neither impossible nor unforgiving: it is the hint of something more than temporary.
Last semester, I started down that same path; a path my friends and I had mastered in high school and I had been relatively out of touch with during my college experience. However, based on things I learned last semester and different experiences I had, I was hesitant to continue with the literature and practice this semester. It would seem that, down that path, there is a definite fork in the road and I would like to think that I, I took the road less travelled by. But I'm not entirely sure what my base motivations are, hence my ponderings...
To be honest, the art of picking up women is basically a game of control. It is rejecting the "nice guy" attitude which is associated with guys who are too nice and get walked on by women in all their relationships. Guys that often lack confidence and the ability to generate mutual respect; in their lives, it is often a queen-servant relationship. I agree with some aspects of this, but not necessarily in the same way. You see, the literature goes beyond to point of mutual respect and puts the man on the pedestal. It preaches that men should be the dominant actors in interactions and relationships and that it should be more of an alpha male-submissive female relationship. In essence, it puts control into the hands and whims of the man.
As a man, elements of control are very attractive. And I don't think that all aspects of control necessarily come from bad intentions, but I am learning that control is usually the offspring of fear and that, even if masked as a good intention, the drive to control situations, relationships, and opportunities is a very dangerous associate. This is the "fork" that I perceive between myself and my dear friends: I agree with the ideas of confidence, low-pressure interactions, and the development of personal potential, but I disagree with the ideas of control, dominance, and inequality. To me, a relationship should be an institution of equality. Not equality is the sense that the man and woman share everything exactly half-and-half, but equality in the sense that both people are equally empowered to contribute and develop their unique attributes, talents, and perspectives and are both equally flexible and adaptable to problem solving, planning, communication, and understanding. In other words, both parties are equally able and empowered to be their best selves, to continue in the development of their own selves, and to emulate and acquire the desirable attributes of their partner. In this way, the couple works as a single institution which goes beyond the abilities and potential of the two separate individuals.
But that is one man's dream. I don't even really know for myself if such an institution is really possible and this leads to another branch of my ponderings. What part of my personality is it that longs for such a relationship? Because, if it is the part of me that fears the future and fears uncertainly and difficulty in a relationship, than my dream is no better than the literature about picking up women and seeking to dominate the relationship: in this case my dream would only be another complex attempt at securing control. It might also be a dream based on my own personal fears of my own shortcomings and lack of confidence: perhaps I seek an "equal" relationship as a mask for a deeper desire to hide my insecurities in the desire for the responsibilities of another.
Time will tell, that is both the beauty and terror of relationships: they must be experienced. And I think this is my deepest motivation for leaving the high school tactics and pick-up-artist literature behind: I am trying to realize through my convictions and actions that opportunities and experiences will come in their due time. I cannot anticipate or expect them, that would only fuel my desires for control. Instead I can prepare by developing myself and by fostering edifying friendships and social interactions when opportunities present themselves. I can let go of my own social desires and take on a positive attitude as a leader, as an example, and as a friend. And, most of all, I can trust; I can trust that opportunities and experiences will be granted in their due time; I can trust that these experiences are meant to be learnt from and not to be given control of; and I can trust that there are divine interests in my social interactions that will lead to futures far beyond my own dreams. I have felt great love and friendship this semester as I have tried to take that different path and I have felt more edified, more empowered to use my unique talents and attributes, and more able to develop those attributes and become a better person.
The part of me that wants control and feels like "being a man" somehow has to involve dominance and control is still jealous sometimes of my dear friends. That part of me admires how they can bend situations to their advantage and quickly get what they want without losing face. I think there is a part of all of us that craves that kind of control; that wants immediate satisfaction and idolizes those who can get it. But I do not think there is a true sense of satisfaction and happiness down that path, as fun as it may be. I believe I am beginning to embrace deeper motivations and this has led to a social life not dominated, at least in theory, by expectations, pressures, or control. However, I have only found satisfaction down this path insomuch as those deeper motivations have been guided by divine feelings and promptings: as soon as they become tools to stay my fear of the unknown, I believe they have lost their empowerment and fall back onto the path that seeks control. A delicate balance to sure, but neither impossible nor unforgiving: it is the hint of something more than temporary.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
3.17.09
I once knew a man
whose fear would stand as though his friend
laughing with much merriment
when skies were fine and blue
when words that split his life in two
were masked with nothing new
it was in the warm embraces
of a life that seemed so harmless
that his fear was best enshrouded
that his warmth was not so crowded
by the wants he swore he scarcely knew
his fear caressed as though his lover
whispering so safe and sure
of a future he could feel and see
a future with his bended knee:
on which and to which he was to flee
his fear would speak as though his brother
giving from so far away
words that hinted, sparked, and faded
words that, so much like his life,
were appreciated
only when anticipated
whose fear would stand as though his friend
laughing with much merriment
when skies were fine and blue
when words that split his life in two
were masked with nothing new
it was in the warm embraces
of a life that seemed so harmless
that his fear was best enshrouded
that his warmth was not so crowded
by the wants he swore he scarcely knew
his fear caressed as though his lover
whispering so safe and sure
of a future he could feel and see
a future with his bended knee:
on which and to which he was to flee
his fear would speak as though his brother
giving from so far away
words that hinted, sparked, and faded
words that, so much like his life,
were appreciated
only when anticipated
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