6.26.10

Updates first:

Kampala continues to be incredible, my professor, Mike Findley, was here this past week and we were super busy: I loved it. We talked a lot about the experiment logistics, metrics, and the World Cup. In addition to a ton of work (ton = some = we at least thought about it) we took a tour of the Kabaka's Palace (the capital of the Buganda Tribe), went to a couple open markets (I got a Manchester United shirt and a Uganda national jersey at the Nakawa one), swimming at the Kabira Country Club (awesome pool - we decided that that is were the World Bank gets all its poverty reduction done), dined at the Lawns (amazing brownies with ice-cream), watched the US-Algeria game at a packed Irish pub called Bubbles (amazing game; love Landon), and did a ton of other fun stuff; the week FLEW by - it was awesome [labeled pictures figure below].

Kabaka's Palace

Entrance to the torture chamber used during the Amin regime
Torture chambers
Nakawa market
Kabira Country Club
Bubbles O'Leary's pub

And now, philosophy:

Journal excerpt (6.26.10):

I am, most admittedly, bias in my international experiences. I see differences in environment, in interaction, in language, but I think I must be rather strange because I seem to see them in a strange way when compared to my associates. I have spent much time with fellow countrymen as we have explored, worked in, and experienced new places and I begin to ask myself: is my attitude unrealistic? A frail hope or belief that misses the solid surrounding truths? Am I so out of touch or, perhaps, non-confrontational that I shy away from the most normal methods of international interaction? Countless I have heard the laugh at subtle differences; countless I have heard personal attributes prescribed as national tendencies and defects; countless I have heard the innocent, dangerously non-malicious justification of stereotypes; countless I have heard the word "they" in the context of a quasi-interested zoo-goer - interested so as to find a power over nervousness, rarely so as to understand or, dare I say it, relate. And I have been no exception to the counts in times past, and this fact, and the feelings therein associated, have, I think, been the catalysts to my current adoption and perpetuation of bias.

Nervousness and fear in a new environment are quite understandable; I would even say they are a natural part of our journey beyond that with which we are familiar. I felt a terrible nervousness upon arriving here, one that lasted some days as we got settled and started discussing, revising, and enacting work with which I was somewhat unfamiliar. But this nervousness gradually turned to a slight overconfidence as I began to feel a sense of purpose and control - I began to feel more powerful.

This led, eventually, to a state of general annoyance and social exhaustion - I was tired and irritable as I saw the illusions of my social control slip away and as I began to wholly feel like an outsider. But this stage too gave way to another; to me, the most wonderful: again, most gradually and more so this time than in previous transitions, I began to feel and see things differently. My control did not return and it would have been a fool's errand to have chased after it; continually perpetuating the stage of annoyance and isolation - something else replaced it - something I hope with all my heart to continue building and experiencing: love. And I find that the more I let go of the remnants and lingering whims of my nervousness, annoyance, and cravings for control, the more I find peace and edification in the loving experiences with which I am daily presented and in which I am divinely invited to participate. This is a beautiful place, one that still makes me a little nervous, but one that bears its delicious fruit in its actions - in its faith.

Now, the people in my environment never changed. That is, they did not produce the stages through which I passed: it was my own perception. And, to return to my original quandary, am I unrealistically bias in my views that to identify cross-cultural interactions by the differences on the surface rather than the inherent and divinely instituted relationships of the human soul is unedifying and unfair? Perhaps it is unrealistic and even less than possible, but I don't think I would want to change a thing. You see, at each stage I could have explained my emotions by identifying the frequent differences of my new circumstances, but I tried desperately, and perhaps a bit extremely, not to. I went to this extreme because I have seen what lies at the other one: misunderstanding, intolerance, loud laughter, stereotypes, discrimination, and pride.

In the end, I am different, but I have found that those differences lie almost exclusively upon the surface of my personality; they melt away with friendship and allow me a unique opportunity to make them. I could harden the surface - freeze upon it a layer of ice so as to permanently signal my supposed superiority, but why? To what end? I think I would rather be a strange friend than a polite stranger.